Love Is In Bloom

So, this month I picked to read YA love stories - stories that follow people 18 and younger. I did this because I am always sitting at my computer writing about the importance of sexual education. And making the point that most of our fears or stigmas that surround sex come from when we were young. I generally read stories about adults like me who are trying to figure out these questions for themselves. The characters simultaneously reflect our own truths back to us while showing us a way towards an idealized life. They give us inspiration and hope for ourselves. 

For this month, I wanted to look at characters that reflect our younger hearts, the characters that represent us when we were first creating many of our beliefs. I chose YA romance novels that don’t contain smut, because smut for teenagers is not my area of expertise. Rather, I wanted to explore if YA novels can teach us something about human connection. Could they guide readers their own age?

This was a somewhat new journey for me. See, I wasn't a reader when I was a teen. Sure, I sought out the occasional Wattpad smutty fanfic, but honestly that was not my norm. I spent my time getting lost in TV shows. But I know a lot of teens who are or were ferocious readers. I know some who spent hours reading erotic fanfiction or ones who devoured every fantasy or dystopian saga they could get their hands on. So reading YA books now was a unique experience for me.

Since becoming an adult I don't think I have gone back to a single story about teens. And as I opened my first book and immersed myself in the teenage world it was like a bus hit me! I was instantly enveloped in so many emotions. 

To be a teen is to feel the weight of the world slowly creeping in and having no idea what to do about it. There is a crushing helplessness to being a teen and it seems that most teens take on the coping mechanism of dealing with everything by themselves, whether they have the tools or not. They mostly feel isolated, misunderstood and alone.

I could intimately relate to every character in one way or another. Sosh’s deep grief for those she had lost and what her life had become without them. Evans and Mallory's sense that they had to take on the struggles of their family and be the parent. Dani and Shannon's beliefs that no one could possibly understand them or their pain. Johnny's crippling sense of academic and future success pressure. And Angelo's belief that beauty could be found in others (also he’s asthmatic, hehe).

God, it's hard being a teen! 

What these books also show brilliantly is how teens crave connection! Whether it is because of their raging hormones or their desire to be understood. They seek out a partner because they just want someone to talk through all this heaviness and feel understood. I can't tell you how many nights in high school I stayed up just wishing there was someone next to me to feel all these big feelings with me or to quiet all the noise for a bit. A partner to sit with me in the challenges, not a parent, who told me it would all be ok.

Here's what I think I needed to learn as a teenager and what these books address: You never know where life will take you. You can plan, and plan, and plan some more. You can get perfect grades and make every academic requirement asked of you. But the truth I learned after graduating college was that it is ultimately out of our control where we end up and that we need to be open and fearless to what the world has in store for us. And that is true for relationships as well.

The characters modeled this absolutely beautifully. They recklessly opened themselves up. They didn’t always think things through or spend time over-thinking. When that unexpected person came into their lives and kicked their hormones into overdrive, they chose to fly down the highway, never sure of when to use the gas pedal or when to use the break. They said, “Here goes nothing!” and put their hearts on the line. And they got to deeply connect with someone. And what a gift that is. And what a gift it is to see this modeled in a novel!

I think often when adults look at teens in relationships they see all the mistakes they are making in those relationships. But these books reminded me how beautiful it is to see kids take on something as scary as love and be brave enough to possibly get hurt. 

“I wanted proof, or a promise, that everything was going to be alright. But who can offer that proof or make that promise? I was old enough to understand that life didn't come with guarantees. But without them, what was left? Only hope, I suppose, and trust, and faith. And the love itself, which needs to be protected and treasured.” (Run Away With Me, pg.256) 

All any of us - teens or adults - have is faith. We don't know what will happen to our lives and we don't know what will happen in love. All we can do is be open to vulnerability, and connection. 

I think overall, the YA books I read were incredibly supportive of teens for all the reasons I just discussed. But they are actually more. In a time when dating amongst adults is fraught with insecurity and protective behavior, I think these books are healing and inspire trust that putting our hearts on the line may just pay off and create the adventure of a lifetime!

I Loved You in Another Life by David Arnold

no chilis

This story was full of soul and deep meaning. It guides the reader into a love story of two teenagers, Evan and Shosh, who are being brought together by a force that they can't seem to fully understand. It’s because they have been soulmates throughout history. Chapters are woven into the story in which the reader watches their souls fall in love in different ways, in different time periods, and as completely different manifestations. This story deals with the loss and grief of anyone whom you might love, be that a sister, a parent, or a friend. Though the story was undeniably whimsical, it was able to steep itself in the reality of a teenager's mind and portray the helplessness of growing up. It depicts the time when all of a sudden the veil of childhood is lifted but you don't know how to take care of yourself yet. What is so beautiful about Evan and Shosh’s love story is how they help each other grow. They are able to act as the support that the other needs in order to step into the new reality of who they are meant to become. Though there is magic in this story, all it does is highlight how magical it is when you find the person who loves You. 

Run Away With Me by Brian Selznick

no chilis 

Every once in a while you read a book that changes your entire life. A story you know will live in the marrow of your bones. A book that feels more like an old friend rather than a collection of paper and glue. For me, Selznick has accomplished this twice in my life. Hugo may be one of the only stories I remember from my childhood. It's imprinted in the memories of time. And now I know that Run Away With Me will be the very same! This hauntingly beautiful story follows a sixteen-year-old American boy as he spends a summer in Rome. He meets an Italian boy who shows him around the city and tells him stunning stories about Rome and gay lovers throughout the centuries. The boys make up names for each other (Danny and Angelo) so they can fit into the make-believe world of Angelo’s stories. They quickly fall in love with each other and the city itself. The tenderness of their love story deeply touched me and I’ve never written down as many quotes from a book. While the book is about queer love, the timid way the two boys fall in love is universal and makes most everyone feel seen. The story looks at youth, queerness, art. history and is told through the combination of black-and-white drawings and text. There is no way for me to truly capture the beauty of this book in a review so all I can do is beg you to read it and beg you to take a chance on this story!

Check & Mate by Ali Hazelwood

no chilis

I feel like I start every Ali Hazelwood review the same way: I just absolutely worship the ground she walks on. We know she's funny, we know her work is smart and thought-provoking and that the love between her characters will always give us butterflies. But I guess that's why I will always pick up her books. This is her beloved chess book. In the author's note she said that she had been dreaming of writing it. And I see why. Chess is undoubtedly slow and a bit boring but talented chess players are fascinating. Their brains work in ways that mine just never will. And spending time with these talented characters was such a treat. I also loved Hazelwood’s take on “YA”. She kept the smut “closed door” but she still made sex a conversation within the book. As we know, my whole brand is that sex is a part of the human experience whether you are having it or not. And so, talking about sex and what it means to each character helps create realistic representations of life. I loved the dynamic between Mallory and Nolan when it came to their views on intimacy. It was so refreshing to see a young woman taking ownership and embracing her own sexuality while also seeing a young man do what was right for him, regardless of what society might expect of a young, hot, wealthy man. All in all, I thought the book was a great read and I highly recommend it to everyone.

Binding 13 by Chloe Walsh

no chilies 

Everyone warned me that this book would have heavy themes. And it did. But the overwhelming feeling I am having after reading this book is that I just need to give these characters a hug. This story follows two Irish high schoolers in 2005 in Cork, Ireland. Johnny is the star of the rugby team and is the town's golden boy. He’s tall, gorgeous, popular, and so talented in his sport that he will play for his country. His life is seemingly perfect. Shannon, on the other hand, is barely holding on. She has been horrifically bullied her whole life and at home is constantly beaten by her father. She's tiny, weak, and is trying to hold onto hope. So, on her first day at a new school that has the promise to be different from the hell she is used to, she gets knocked out by Johnny's rugby ball. Neither of them are prepared for the way their lives are about to change. The way my heart was in a vice grip reading this entire book! Both these teens held all their cards so close to their chests, terrified of vulnerability. But they found someone in each other to finally breathe with. Whether you were someone who suffered from the pressure of being a high schooler or from the crippling emotions of adolescence, you will relate to these characters. Their story continues in the next book in the series, called Keeping 13, and let's just say I had to start it immediately…